Wednesday, August 23, 2017

August Newsletter!

Well, well, well, so we meet again friends. And here I am still not with a way to get this into your inbox. I guess I should stop referring to this as a newsletter than, huh? Okay, let’s go with monthly open letter…sound better?

This month I’m going to open up to you guys about something I’ve been struggling with for what seems like ever…any guesses on the topic? No…well it’s my weight. Yup, you read that right, I’m going to be open and honest with you about my struggles with the numbers on the scale. Now I know that the numbers aren’t important and it’s all about how you feel-and I 100% agree, but to me a weight lost journey is about the number. *warning, this is a LOOOOOOOONG blog post!

In the spring of 2009 (was it really THAT long ago?!), I was in a long term relationship and noticed I had gained quite a few “love pounds” like approx. 30-45 pounds over the course of 2 years. I was pretty devastated and joined WeightWatchers immediately. I had seen the commercials and knew someone who was having some success, so I figured why not? I loved the plan and stuck to it and lost about 15 pounds within months. I felt great and slowly stepped away from the plan. Well that was dumb cause I gained it all back and then some.

Cut to 2011, and I refocused with the help of WW again and lost 25 lbs this time. I FELT AMAZING. Not only physically, but mentally. I was even comfortable enough to wear shorts people! (more on my relationship w/shorts Friday!) I really embraced the plan and what it was all about. The number at the scale wasn’t ideal, but the way I looked and felt, was. People noticed, I was able to fit into pants from 2006, it was awesome. At that point in my life everything was really great including my handle on my weight. And then again in the beginning of 2012, I slowly stopped counting and tracking my points which lead to some gains. And not the good kind of #gains.

The late summer of 2012 came and I was still feeling okay with my body and then life happened. Everything fell apart and was really shitty for a while. But after a few months, I started putting the pieces back together and created this little bloggy blog as my new outlet. I was watching what I ate and occasionally tracking my food, but not sticking with it. I started a new job in 2013 and was really starting to become the most adult version of myself (yes, I was already an adult and in my late 20s, but I think you understand what I mean…) I got back on the WW train and half assed it. I’d lose for a few weeks and then gain it all right back. I was in a spiral of not sticking with it. Then once WW changed their plan from pointsplus to smartpoints and I gave up on them. After paying for the service about 81 months total-holy shizzz, looking back and counting up the months and knowing I paid for something I wasn’t using is nauseating…I won’t even do the math for you, it's a lot with nothing to show-I finally pulled the trigger and canceled. I figured I didn’t need this new system and just bailed completely. I downloaded the free my fitness pal and counted calories instead. And what would you know? I was falling into the same vicious cycle.

Well here we are, present day. I’ve been paying for WW again since May 2016 and doing the same damn thing. This routine of tracking, not tracking, eating bad, eating good, is absolutely exhausted. But what is more exhausting is being in a body I’m not happy in. Now, you’re probably thinking “That really sucks, but why are you sharing this with us, this isn’t your typical post…” Well, you’re right, it’s not, but the reason I’m opening up to you is because I am starting fresh again. (it’s like that book Charlotte buys in Sex and the City, “Starting Over Yet Again”) I am going to hold myself accountable and really be open to WeightWatchers has to offer.  I figure by sharing this story of insanity with you will help hold me to it. Even if you don’t DM me on IG and ask “did you track your dinner?” I’ll know that my words are here in black & white FOR EVERYONE TO SEE and that is enough to keep me focused for real this time.

                                Xoxo,
                                Kayla


Ps-if you want to join me or want to chat about your struggles, hit me up-email, DM, comment, whatever, I'm here :)