For 24 hours. Okay, we all know about the trolls of the Internet and we've all stumbled across and gotten sucked into a Catfish marathon, so how did this happen to me a pretty interweb savvy gal? You know the saying "too good to be true"? Well, that's 100% true in almost every catfish story. Listen, if you are ridiculously good looking, you should know that you will be used as a pawn in the catfish web. And I almost think it's your punishment for your crime-like who really needs 12 pack abs?! You are asking for it. But anyway, let me get back to my story...
Last Tuesday night, I was on Facebook and saw this extremely hot guy that I had mutual friends with, one of them being one of my childhood besties (hi Dana!) so I did what any curious and single gal would do, I friend requested him. And what happened next is both bizarre and hilarious.
Within 5 seconds of sending the request, he accepts-red glad #1. I thought oh maybe his show is on commercial too (American Crime Story-if you don't watch yet, you should, it's ah-mazing) then within a minute I had not 1, not 2, but 3 Facebook messages! Red flag #2. Here's what they say;
Mike Parker: hey baby.
Mike Parker: I saw you requested me thank u what's going on,nice meetin you
Mike Parker: you look cute bet your nice girl
Now I know what you're thinking "Kayla you didn't honestly feed into this.." But as a girl who one-was giving the hot guy with a dog a chance and two-I thought maybe something funny will come of this, I replied.
Me: hey! Yeah I saw we have a few friends in common. How do you know Dana ******?
Mike Parker: oh maybe. She my friend on here.
We made small talk after that, like major small talk, mostly of him saying how mezmoreized he was by my smile and how pretty I was. Red flag #3. Then it got weird. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Honestly at this point I knew there was something fishy about this, but I wanted to play along-what can I say, I'm a risk taker and like cheap fun.
So he texts me and asks me if I drive to which I said yeah? Then this is were it got really bizarre and the catfish alarm really went off. He asked said this: "okay baby can,u do me a favor I have a friend Paul Byrnes he's a good friend of mine and he needs a ride back to his apartment his car recently bro he down can u friend request him for me. I can't wait to get to no u that would help me a lot I'm working so I can't help him but he's like a bro to me" and then bam-Paul Byrnes popped up as a friend request and 3 messages. Red flags #4 & #5.
Paul Byrnes: hey my friend mark told me to message you
Paul Byrnes: I guess he spoke to you about helping me anyway i wanted to introduce myself to u he is. Bro to me.
Paul Byrnes: hey
So then I texted Mike and said "wait a second is your name Mark or Mike?" To which he replied Mike and then kept telling me that Paul messaged me. Paul kept messaging me saying how much Mike liked me-my reply to this was "he doesn't know me!"- and how pretty I was. Then he started to talk Mike up, how great he was and what kind of girl he was looking for. But at the end of every message it was a "like me" or "I'm looking for that too". He then asked me to "chill" which sidebar no one over 25 should say that. And we've "known" one another for a whopping total of 22 minutes. I declined obviously.
Now you make think the story stops there, but no here's where it gets even more weird. Cut to around 10:30 EST, I get a Facebook message from my Paris girl, Caroline. She has 2 screenshots of Mike Parker's profile and friend request (Come on Mike, I thought I was the "only girl for you"?!) she says "your friend?" I tell her briefly what happened and we shared a good bilingual laugh and I carry on with my morning. Well that is until MK came over for our morning catch up, I started to tell her how I just talked to Caroline about a weird friend request and she says "wait from Mike Parker?!" So at this point he had tried to friend 2 of my friends. As the day went on, 4 more girls I work with came over to me asking me if I had a new boo (cause "he's sooo hot-good for you Kayla!") and they all showed me their friend requests. I texted my two childhood besties Dana (mine and Mike's "mutual friend") and JMichele. JMichele also had a FR from Mike and Dana told me how she thinks her husband may know Mike and Paul. At this point, I'm more than 100% sure that Paul is Mike and tell her so. We share a good "omg creeper, lol" and that's that.
Well no it's not, cause I'm me, I HAVE to get to the bottom of this! I google hot guy with pit bull and a bunch of cuties pop up, but no Mike Parker. Then a lightbulb goes off "hotdudeswithdogs" on IG duh!! (Which you must follow after you're done reading this...you can thank me later) and low and behold there he is Mike Parker aka Lee Kholafai! I felt just like Nev and Max! I shared the news with my girls and they all applauded my hard work. I also sent Mike Parker this note before blocking him and Paul Byrnes on Facebook. (And blocking their number, I'm not that much of a risk taker...)
So Mike, Paul, whatever your name is-stop friend requesting my friends. Anyone can go out and steal a picture off of Instagram, it doesn't make you cool or clever. Next time you try to fuck with someone at least don't be so freaking creepy about it.
And I sent my proof, these two pictures.
Now you may be thinking Kayla I expected more from you in your kiss off. Well you see I didn't need to be that clever because Paul Byrnes is a very real person and I didn't change his name while writing this post. I also sent a DM to Lee Kholafai giving him a heads up. Guess I'm pretty savvy after all...