Tuesday, March 3, 2015

*Mis-Matched

I've learned something pretty major after being on Match.com for about 3 months...men can't read. I don't mean that in a bitchy way, I mean that in a very matter of fact way. They don't read the typos in their emails/profiles, they don't read what my profile, and they certainly don't read what I'm looking for.  The point of taking the time to fill out the "My Match" section is to be clear about what you are looking for. Most men answer this section with every answer possible, but us gals, we really think about this part. Which leads me to the first email of the day...but before I dive into that let me refresh your memory on what I'm looking for in My potential match.

Age: 28 to 34
Height: 5'10 to 7'
Body Type: About average, athletic and toned
Eyes: Blue, Brown, Green, Hazel
Hair: Black, Light brown, Dark brown, Blonde
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Social Drinker
Occupation: no answer
Income: No Preference
Relationship: Never Married
Have kids: No
Want kids: No Preference
Ethnicity: White/Caucasian
Faith: No Preference
Languages: English
Education: No Preference

So now that we are caught up on that, the following email comes from a 39 year old who is 5'8. Sigh.

"Hey I spit my time between the city and upstate by you. So many great places in *where I live* (which he spelt incorrectly) like *lists 5 places in my town and then 2 in another town* Would you like to grab a drink at the roundhouse sometime?- Mark"

"Hi Mark. How long have you been a rapper? I'm an aspiring rapper myself. I spit all the time. My flows are getting pretty good. "

Next up comes from a 41 year old who has a child.

"Hello there....I read your profile and thought I'd send you a quick email.
You are a bit younger than I, but all of my friends are younger than me as well....they need to be to keep up. I get guesses in the late 20s all the time...and am very athletic.
I like that fact you love hockey...King Henrik ;)
I like to watch myself.
Send me an email if you would like to talk more...
Derrick"

"Hi Derrick, I don't even know where to start. Having all younger friends as a man at 41 means one of two things. 1-your immature and 2-no one your age wants to hang out with you because of #1. You would've gotten points-big points-if you said Nasher instead of Hank. You like to watch yourself doing what? Bro-ing out with your young friends, lifting at the gym...or did you mean you like to watch hockey too? If so, no need to make it another sentence. I'm confused about what more YOU would like to talk about. You didn't ask me anything or give me anything to really respond to. You and your ego can have a great time watching yourself. Ps. your name is spelt dumb."

Here's one from a 38 year old who's 5'6.
"Hey hey hey I just got to say something that you probably hear all the time. Just beautiful. Just beautiful. Want to get to know this confidant non douche bag guy then just wink back and our lives just might change. ;)"

My response would be short and simple.
"I'm good. Thanks."


Here's to another week of online dating, where I will continue my search to find my Prince Charming...or at least a dude that can read. Xo!