Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Wait. What?

Since Valentine's day is right around the corner, I'm trying to take my "Daily Matches" more seriously. I mean if this really smart website took the time to match me with these guys, it may be true love. So instead of just hitting the 'X' after catching a quick glimpse, I've been scrolling down and reading about this potential Prince. This one caught my eye because his username was 'NashRickey' (which I mean HELLLOOOOOO?! Rick Nash/Boo, is that you?) He didn't have a picture, which makes me pretty skeptical, but hey, if it was Boo then I could see why not-you know being a pro hockey player and famous, oh and his wife...probably all good reasons not to throw your face on Match.com..

Here's 'NashRickey's profile, word for word.

30 year old man | NY | Seeking women 32-43 within 10 miles (*side note, I'm not between those ages nor do I live 10 miles from where he lives...so daily match you are failing me, but please read on...)

His Details
Relationship: Never Married
Have Kids: No
Want Kids: I'll tell you later
Ethincity: White/Caucasian 
Body Type: Slender
Height: 5'10
Faith: Atheist
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Social Drinker

In his own words:
Hello, I'm currently 30 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there's a million people out there like me, but I promise you I'm different. On December 14th, I'm moving to Antartica; home of the greatest walruses. I've already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus ever. If you have any questions or maybe advice, just inbox me. Thank you all so much.

What. The. Actual. Fuck. Here's to another Valentine's Day I'll spend alone.

*side note: I had to google this cause I don't understand it at all and lately I seem to be behind on the times. The above crazyness is stolen goods...foreverwalrus.tumblr.com Which leads me to believe this person is actually nuts.