Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Are you my Match...?

In the middle of November, after getting disappeared on again by a certain magician, my friends had enough. baby tooth & MK sat me down for a talk-during a Rangers game- said "Kayla, enough is enough. Magician is never going to stay around for long and you deserve someone who wants to give you the time of day." And then proceed to rip apart his instagram pictures, "he uses too many hashtags." "why does it look like that?" "#guydancing ??" After crying off our mascara, they started to build me a Match.com profile. 

It was fun answering the questions and picking out the pictures. I don't actually think any of us thought anything would come from it, but we took a good hour or so to make what we decided is a profile that describes me perfectly. After that, it was up to me (& MK aka my manager) to weed thru the duds ranging in ages 28-34 and find the Princes. 

I've gone back and forth about sharing my online dating experience on here, but I receive way to many super funny, weird, and creepy emails from potential *never going to happen suitors.

Like this one I just received from a 58 year old man. He writes;
 "Very interested because you are attractive, young , live short drive north and HAVE NO BAGGAGE Dont know if you are aware that 90% of the women on this site are divorced usually with kids and many with kids at home In any event I am a civil engr working as a Const Mgr in NYC but live in a condo (alone) in Westchester. Also have a condo in Florida but dont seem to get there enough to enjoy it and hopefully that will change shortly when I meet the right person. I am a widower trying to establish a relationship with someone like you to share and enjoy all that life offers. Keep fit by working out at a local club Also ran NYC marathon 3 times a few years ago. Once owned a thoroughbred but it became a tax problem so now enjoy Saratoga in summer and Gulfstream in winter when down in Florida love to cruise and enjoy the beaches, dancing, dinners, shows and even the Casino. Point is I know how and when to have fun as long as I am with the right person Would really like to meet you for dinner and/or a few drinks or at least start a chat how abou it Rudy"

Unfortunately, I've decided not to write Rudy back. But if I had, it would read something like this;
"Hi Rudy, I was not aware that there are a lot of female divorcees on this website. Probably because I am in the market for a man. Also, it's great that you live alone and have a condo in FL. My Grandpa also likes Florida this time of year. You and my dad have a lot in common, you're both 58 and single, but my dad has a kid who lives at home. Which is me, it's still a pretty expensive economy and taxes are high on other stuff besides horses, so I will remain at home. I'm sure you killed it when you ran the NYC marathon a "few years ago", you probably were very fit in the 70s. I hope you find a young lady that suits your need for a fun lifestyle with the right person"

Another email that will go unanswered is this one...
"Hi how are you?. Merry Christmas first off to you and your family Well here goes nothing, If you are looking for a good guy, smart, very successful, great job, smell nice, fresh breath, funny, and I can run really really fast then I am your guy. I promise, You would be very happy if you met me. I really am a nice guy. My mom told me so. In fact, I was given the "Great Guy" award for top boyfriend prospects in America. Made up of all single or divorced womens moms (SDWM Foundation) across the country. Not well know but very powerful lol. I can show you the plaque. Hope to hear from you and again Merry Christmas. 
Sorry "my mom told me I'm a good guy" John, but my mom tells me I'm a Princess. Yet I still don't have a tiara. And you lost me at really fast runner, cause who really cares how fast you can run..

Here's one of my personal favorites;

Hi there I have been trying to upload a picture but it keeps rejecting the size I cropped it shrunk it an won't upload. I can send one through my cell for you. But what I want to say is after reading your profile an looking at your photos I must say you are very very attractive and just seeing your smile made me want to email you. You must really look at the photos you posted an see how beautiful you really are. It just makes me think why someone like you would be single. Lol we all have past an should not look back but look at the future. Anyway let me know if I can send u my pic an hopefully take you out for a night whether it be dinner a movie whatever as long as I could see you by my side."

I actually gave him my email address cause he sent 3 follow up emails on wanting to send a pic to me to "see if we click". Looks aren't everything to me, but I needed to see what this weirdo looked like. Well, after opening his email...maybe looks are more important to me than I thought...

The Match.com experience hasn't been all weirdos. I've met a few really great guys and went on some good dates. I just haven't met "my match" yet.